COSIMA HUBNER

For some people, saying no is not simply saying no. It can feel like hurting someone, letting them down, or even putting the relationship at risk. We might agree to things we do not really want to do, find ourselves explaining or justifying our decisions, or feel guilty when choosing something that is right for us but disappointing to someone else. Sometimes, we may know rationally that we have done nothing wrong, yet still be left with an uncomfortable feeling that we have.

Some children become known within their families as the easy one. They rarely cause trouble. They manage their feelings quietly and seem mature beyond their years. They may be described as independent, sensible, helpful or undemanding. Parents often speak proudly of a child like this: She was always so easy. He never needed much from us. But children do not necessarily need less simply because they ask for less. Sometimes, being easy is not simply a matter of temperament. It

The absence of a parent can leave a mark long after childhood. This is not simply because a parent was not there, but because of what their absence came to mean. Perhaps your father left when you were young. Perhaps your mother was physically present but emotionally unavailable. Perhaps contact with one parent became increasingly infrequent after a separation. Or perhaps a parent disappeared from family life almost entirely. Children adapt remarkably well to difficult circums